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The Divine Dope

Some weeks back, I chanced upon this idea to - for no reason - just wake up at 3:30am. I have done that earlier in life, but there was always a reason for it - mostly it was to get up and meditate because they say that 4am is the best time to meditate.

This time around, however, I decided to wake up at 3:30am and do nothing - at least for a few days. Get up for no reason, no morning self-development activity, no mission.

No doing. Just being.

To say the least - it has been a blissful experience.

Waking up at that hour of the morning effortless leaves you one with the universe. When I peep out of the window and realize that everyone except for me and the cosmos are awake and full of life, it fills me with some cosmic ego. Most of the times I sit down and chant the Gayatri mantra 108 times, or sit in a self-healing meditation - but there have been a few times when I have gone back to bed, and lay there deciding to just stay awake, and witness my thoughts.

Now here's the big deal: everytime I have done this sleeping-witnessing exercise in the mornings, I have done it with an effortless, unintended smile. It just happens. It comes so naturally that I don't even realize it.

In one of those moments of zero-ness, I realized another big difference between loneliness and aloneness (I contemplate quite often on these two words). I feel that people who stay up till late in the night are essentially lonely deep down somewhere. Of course, I have been that person - and for a long time in my little life.

Staying up till late in the night was my attempt to consume everything that the material world has to offer (the TV, or people around them, the phone) till my body started demanding sleep. Thankfully the body naturally asks for sleep, because if it didn't, people would continue to consume the world seeking fulfillment in its temporary offerings - and there is no dearth of such modes of entertainment.

And when the body can't take it any more and just has to sleep (or it will go insane), the individual moves into sleep immediately - leaving no time for the mind to be idle, and aware. So the mind is either of these two: busy consuming, or dead sleeping. In both the cases, it's tired. It's draining, or drained out and recharging. It's never still, it's never full of life.

And the reality is, an individual doesn't want to give it a moment of awareness, because that awareness will bring the truth to the fore, and the truth is that essentially, each one of us is lonely and isolated. Once we peel the layers off, the people and things around us that we hold on to to seek fulfillment and call them "our own"... without them, we are lost in the darkness, and this darkness seems scary.

Osho uses a phenomenal word, one of the most charming words in the English language, "Transformation". I have been lonely in my younger years, and I after repeated attempts to bring joy to my loneliness by either adding a person or a thing to it that failed (thankfully), I made a choice to convert this loneliness into aloneness - and moved towards meditation. So I speak from my own empirical learning: only someone who has given the mind a chance to be aware, and see his loneliness beginning to transform to aloneness will be able to wake up that early in the morning for no reason whatsoever, and find bliss in the solitude.

I have started getting addicted to this morning bliss so much that I find it unthinkably easy to let go of a late night Manchester United game ... because I want to wake up at 330am and enjoy this divine dope, this nectar of nothingness! Now, my sleep is not something I do because the body needs it and forces me shut my eyes and sleep. It's more of a sleeping routine ... something I move into like I am preparing for a prayer. When I, then, wake up, it feels like I have done the most important thing of the day already, and everything in the day is to be addressed with effortless ease.

May it long continue, and may everyone experience this.